bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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