I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
