Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
