WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
