If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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