are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
