Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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