It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
two words: eviction party
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
