She even gives head with a lisp.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
