bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
