Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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