in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
