So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
