C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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