do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
