maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
