I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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