im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
