i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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