I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
