Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"

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(323): If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina" http://tfl.nu/xi2d

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.

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(918): After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again. http://tfl.nu/cy0p

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?

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(603): So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me" (1-603): Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole? http://tfl.nu/54bk

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(705): View more from Ontario

Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

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(705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3

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(217): View more from Illinois

It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.

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(217): It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol. http://tfl.nu/d6go

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.

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(978): Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either. http://tfl.nu/z8zq

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(678): View more from Georgia

Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.

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(678): Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date. http://tfl.nu/ovv7

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(818): View more from California

He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.

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(818): He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore. http://tfl.nu/r68q

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(914): View more from New York

I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."

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(914): I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock." http://tfl.nu/14j8

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals

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(651): Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals http://tfl.nu/rxm6

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(626): View more from California

obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that

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(626): obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that http://tfl.nu/w2iu

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon

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(202): When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle. (202): We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon http://tfl.nu/62rc

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(757): View more from Virginia

You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex

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(757): You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex http://tfl.nu/b8jn

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(630): View more from Illinois

She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.

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(630): She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love. http://tfl.nu/5dr3

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car

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(202): Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car http://tfl.nu/2cza

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