I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
