They should really pass out barf bags in church
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
