i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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