last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
