i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
