Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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