Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
