i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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