Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
