It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
bring money and cleavage
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
