i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Randomize
