My cat gives me a boner
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
