he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
