im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
