Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
