Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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