That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
