i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
