I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
