its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pants are for mortals
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
