remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
His nipple licking is glorious
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