my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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