Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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