I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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