I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My penis needs a shock collar
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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