Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
