McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
