I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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