Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
