the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
