Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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