I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
