my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
