You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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