I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
