I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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