I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
