my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Operation Purity has been aborted
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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