I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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