now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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