so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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