i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
