I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
