Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
