it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
