my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
