somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
