Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
