Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
